so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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