I'm eating all of the evidence.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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