Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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