I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
