Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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