just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
