His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
