you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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