Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
