doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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