my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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