thus making me awesome and them whores
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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