i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
