Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
