its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
