remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
