Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
