All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
