OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
