Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
