Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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