Someone shit on the floor
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
