Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
