Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
