I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
