i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
