The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
two words: eviction party
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
