So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
