I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
How external is "for external use only"?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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