Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
