The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
