Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
