i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
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