Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
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