forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
