Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
