We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
