I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
