I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
