Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
