So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
