Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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