I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
