i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
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