Already got asked if we're dating
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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