Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
