i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
