Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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