In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
