Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
