Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
