Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
