somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
