youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
