i don't plan on having that self control this summer
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
